Sad Day
So I just found out where all my Pound Puppies went…apparently, when my cat was a kitten, he decided to hide them in his litter box. My parents threw them out. FML.
October 2010
"Lithium" by Evanescence
Lithium, don’t wanna lock me up inside
Lithium, don’t wanna forget how it feels without
Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow
Oh, but God I wanna let it go
Come to bed, don’t make me sleep alone
Couldn’t hide the emptiness, you let it show
Never wanted it to be so cold
Just didn’t drink enough to say you love me
I can’t hold on to me
Wonder what’s wrong with me?
Lithium, don’t wanna lock me up inside
Lithium, don’t wanna forget how it feels without
Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow
Don’t wanna let it lay me down this time
Drown my will to fly
Here in the darkness I know myself
Can’t break free until I let it go, let me go
Darling, I forgive you after all
Anything is better than to be alone
And in the end I guess I had to fall
Always find my place among the ashes
I can’t hold on to me
Wonder what’s wrong with me?
Lithium, don’t wanna lock me up inside
Lithium, don’t wanna forget how it feels without
Lithium, stay in love with mmm
I’m gonna let it go
Bipolar disorder sucks. There’s no getting around it. How can I expect to function when it’s all I can do not to smack the crap out of someone who says ONE thing wrong to me? What really pisses me off, though, is when people [like my mom] brushes it off and tells me I have control over myself. No, I really don’t. The meds aren’t a miracle cure, sorry to say. I still throw temper tantrums like a two year old, especially when I forget to take my meds.
I isolate the people I care about because I know I’ll hurt them in one of my episodes. I’d rather be alone, because then I can only hurt myself. That’s the mentality I live in. It’s skewed and wrong, but it’s the mentality I have.
I’m not sure where I am right now. I’m irritable. And isolated. Feeling productive. But I don’t want to move. Want to binge eat. Want to sit and mope. Want to beat the crap out of someone, just to have something to take my frustrations out on.
I reiterate: bipolar disorder sucks. And yes, I took my meds.
I just attempted to go to stumblr.com
Spending too much time on here and Stumble Upon, I think.
Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don’t make sense
Refrigerator
“Pound my knuckles hard against the floor
my head against the wall
but I did this to myself
assume it’s just not worth getting back up
so I’ll blame it on bad luck
and I’ll shake responsibility
and say a hard life did this to me.” —Bayside, “Blame It On Bad Luck”
my head against the wall
but I did this to myself
assume it’s just not worth getting back up
so I’ll blame it on bad luck
and I’ll shake responsibility
and say a hard life did this to me.” —Bayside, “Blame It On Bad Luck”
I never had a problem in high school. I had people I fit in with and hung out with on a regular basis. I felt like I belonged.
But here…I have people I hang out with. But most of the time, I feel like an outsider. Like, if I didn’t leave my room for a week, would anybody really notice?
I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I want my old life back. I want my old friends, I want my boyfriend. I want to see the people I care about on a regular basis, and I don’t want to have to PAY money to be able to go see them.
At this point, I just want to go back to high school. Go back home. Me, who was counting the days down to leaving my house. Because there, at least I felt like people cared.
Here…I’m invisible.
Tumblr
is purple =]
Some surprising medical facts for you to consider whilst going about your daily chores today:
1) No-one in the entire world can touch all their own teeth with their tongue.
2) Mad people everywhere are now trying this.
4) You’ve just tried, and discovered this to be untrue.
5) Now you’re sitting there with a crazed smile on your face.
5) Bet you didn’t notice that I’d skipped number 3!
6) And now you’ve gone back to check.
7) Bet you didn’t notice that I’d skipped number 6 either.
8) Fooled again…
9) Bet you didn’t notice that number 5 appears twice!
10) Now that hopefully you’ve got a smile on your face, remember that that’s what it’s all about, and go back to your daily chores…
“And all these things were lessons in living it seems like we’re all fighting to be more than who we are life’s been a test of virtue and humility so far ‘cause give and take don’t matter either way fuck up and draw the lottery, rochambo for poverty. Destination: anywhere but here.”
—Bayside, “Rochambo (Rock, Paper, Scissors)”
AP Psych
DON’T CRY OPRAH!
Sigh.
Long distance relationships are difficult. Especially when it’s late at night, and all you can think about is him.
<3
UGH.
If you pay attention to my Facebook updates at ALL, or if you know me at all, you should know that I am a bleeding heart liberal. Stop shoving your pro-life, anti-Obama, anti-gay rights stuff down my throat. My patience is thinning.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
Cheese.
Really, that’s all.
